


The ABC's of Anti-Twilight

by MelissaTreglia



Category: Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: Community: twispitefic, Gen, Humor, Meta Poetry, Spitefic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-29
Updated: 2013-07-29
Packaged: 2017-12-21 18:48:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 280
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/903632
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MelissaTreglia/pseuds/MelissaTreglia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Inspired by a fannish alphabet poem on the Forever Knight fanfic site, that had been penned by Sue Clark. I couldn't resist doing my own anti-Twilight poem based on the Western alphabet all of us Anglophones know so well. The rhyming scheme is all mine, though. Written for the Twispitefic comm on LJ. Contains some language and mildly suggestive humour. Do not fold, bend, spindle or mutilate.</p><p><i>"A is for..."</i> Learn your ABC's, the anti-Twilight way!</p>
            </blockquote>





	The ABC's of Anti-Twilight

A is for Aborted  
What Edward demanded Renesmee be

B is for Boffing  
The entire Cullen family tree

C is for Charlie  
Whose mustache we like

D is for Demetri  
Who only wishes he was Spike

E is for Edward  
His emo makes us snore

F is for Faeries  
What they should be named for

G is Goddamn  
As in the hole in Bella's chest

H is for Headache  
What we get when we read the rest

I is for Ignorant  
For which Meyer has no excuse

J is for Jealous  
What fans call us--they can't handle the truth

K is for Killing  
When you want to, the Cullens hand you the key

L is for Larceny  
How Alice got herself the car in Italy

M is for Money  
Meyer's reason for publishing her wet dreams

N is for Nooooo!  
When Book Four was split in two films, we screamed

O is for Oversexed  
Bella's personality--if a bit on the nose

P is for Purple  
The colour of Stephenie Meyer's prose

Q is for Questions  
Seth won't let you ask her

R is for Romance  
It's completely beyond Meyer

S is for Stupid  
The entire series in a nutshell

T is for Trauma  
Because the books put us through hell

U is for Umpire  
The sparkly vampires play baseball

V is for Victorian  
Because a bodice ripper would show it all

W is for Wasteful  
The Cullen's spending is exactly it

X is for Xenophobia  
Why the vamps give the wolves such shit

Y is for Yammer  
The only thing the characters have done

Z is for Zero, zip  
The letters left--I hope you liked this one!


End file.
